I'm 27 for a moment...

Fatherhood. I used to wonder when the exact moment was that my dad decided he didn't want to be in our lives any more. As I get older, and into fatherhood myself, I understand that there probably was never a day like that.

I heard a sermon recently where a man spoke of engaging your children. He called it the single most important aspect of being a father. He also went on to say that it is so hard for men to engage their kids for some reason (he didn't give any although I'm sure theories abound). I could understand what he was saying. There are times when I just want to run and hide- from my own kids- and I don't know why. I'm sure it has to do with my selfish nature, to pin it down is kinda hard, but I hate it nonetheless and am almost ashamed enough to never talk about it.

I've heard guys talk about their dads. And even the ones with good fathers still have stories of times when they wished their dads had been there. It seems to be a universal phenomenon among fathers to leave sometimes- either permenantly or temporarily, physically or emotionally.

The guy telling the sermon said we needed to be Mr. Incredible to our kids. Although cheesy, he was very right. Unfortunately, wanting and being aren't synonamous.

I often think back to my dad's life and wonder where we took different paths, or even if we've taken the same path and I don't know it. I know there probably was never a day my dad decided to skip out, but there were 1,000 other little choices that added up to the same thing. I won't go to the park today. I'm staying home instead of going to their ballgame. I'm too tired to wrestle. I'm too busy to see their new comedy routine. All these little neglects shaped the whole of my life.

Fatherhood isn't something I think I'm good at... yet. I know in time I'll get better. The more I'm there, the better dad I'll be. It really might be as simple as that.

Tags:

• christianity
• church
• family
• Spirit-life