He got the hole... in His hands

I need a job. There's just no two ways about it. I've been waiting forever [read: 4 weeks] for this position at Acadiana Big Brothers Big Sisters, and when I called earlier today, I found out my contact was on vacation and that she'd be back Monday. Vacation!? I'm dying here and she doesn't even give me a phone call or an email an entire week after she said she would. Needless to say, I'm reconsidering my efforts to job there now.

So, today Kristy and I were back at it, looking for more jobs. I was shaking the contact tree and Kristy was online. A lot turned up and I'm very excited about the possibilities, but something seems to be bothering me...

There's a hole. When I ventured into this mystery known as the job search, I was floating along semi-aimlessly when this Acadiana Bigs job turned up and seemed like the perfect job for me. But more than that, it seemed like God was leading me into that job. Now, it seems like I've wasted my time hoping for this job to materialize. Worse, I've misled those I love and provide for [my family]. Hence, the hole.

Not a hole in my ability to provide, but my ability to discern in leading. Maybe it's not a failure and God wanted to do this, but the fun part of worshipping a God I can't comprehend is that I sometimes don't get the answers to these wonderings. It's a hole I can't close up or ignore, it just sits there staring at me.

Maybe I'll come to understand this difficult time, but even if I don't, I'll continue to believe...