Someone asked me a question yesterday that really made me think. Although, I'm not sure the question was the thing that tweaked me, just the timing (such is life). He asked me, "How's your walk?" or something like that (see pervious statement) and it just cut me.
My response was something like "It's a lot different than it used to be....blah, blah, blah..." and probably seemed coherent, but on the inside the gears were cranking. There was a lot of truth in my answer, I just didn't have any part of mind around it at all.
I guess the official beginning is that things are different. Since being introduced to Calvinism a couple of years ago, I don't think my spirit has come out of the shock. Growing up Baptist and Arminian, the likes of John Piper weren't read very often so I wasn't exposed to it at all. After coming to college and eventually working for the Grove, my journey began toward understanding God being after his own glory and reputation.
I'm not thinking Calvinism is "wrong" (in fact, I still have my doubts about man understanding God at all, but that's another post for another time), I'm just not sure how to account for things I've experienced to be true. I know, I know, this is where I start to sound like a postmodern, but experiential (did I EVEN spell that right) truth really hits home for me. I believe that if it is true, the litmus test is how it occurs in everyday life. If it fails that test, not many arguements seem to make sense.
I guess my point of confusion is that all that I understand a calvinistic viewpoint to be is so human-lite, if not humna-absent. Oh, so American of me to think that, but alas I am. Really, when I look at life and the existence of everything that is, human life and the everday outworkings of it are very prevalent. It comes out of my head like this: where does Calvinism fit when I'm reveling in Biblical community (i.e.- having fun with friends)? Calvinism says that it's building the reputation of God because I'm enjoying it (which is correct), but it just seems to leave out all that is going on inside of everyone else involved.
I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm still just rubbing my head from where the Calvinism Mack Truck hit my theology. But, for now, I'm in limbo, not really knowing how to feel. I wonder if Hodskins is home...
asking questions...
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4 comments:
Did you get to attend worship at The Grove tonight? I'm not trying to be so simplistic as to say that all of your questions got answered - they didn't. Just more helpful stuff from scripture - it was good.
If you weren't there, you should listen to the CD.
Drew, it's John Nelson. I totally understand where you're coming from. I was reared in a Baptist church, too, but with an emphasis on eternal security...the good 'ol "Once Saved, Always Saved". In the same way, I have been hit with the Mack Truck of Calvinism (but I like to call it 'Reformed' doctrine because in my mind Calvinism has a negative connotation). Having read doctrine books (Grudem's Systematic Theology) and tons of Scripture, I have come to this conclusion: Neither end of the spectrum (Arminianism / Calvinism) is correct. (again, this is only my opinion). If I go to one end of the spectrum, I must close my eyes to certain Scriptures...and the same holds true of the other side of the spectrum. There has to be a balance or connection of how free will and God's divine election/providence work together. And this is the conclusion I have come to: in the same way that my mind cannot comprehend God's infiniteness (is that a word?) and how the Trinity works, and how God has no beginning, I do not believe I can comprehend the intricacy of free will/election in God's plan. I cannot deny either account as each are taught in Scripture. It's one of those thing that I have simply laid before God and rejoiced that God is in control (providence) and that He cares enough for me to give me freedom of choice.
Those are my thoughts...take them as you wish.
Drew, long time no see my tall friend. I hope you and the wife and kid are doing wonderfully! I've been getting that disappointing look from Murray that I haven't blogged in a while, so I went to his blog for inspiration and ended up here! Dude...I'm a five pointer. Seriously tho...Scripture supports both and I agree with John that the bottom is, "Ain't it great not to be God and not know it all?" That's where faith comes in that some things we may never know this side of heaven. Here's one to make your brain hurt...What is IT in the Old Testament? Is IT the Holy Spirit in them or is IT a might wind?
I'm wondering where you get the idea that Baptist are Armenian. I never felt that. Maybe somewhere along the way you picked up something I didn't. Can you pinpoint the time where you did? Nevertheless, I have come to a similar point in my spiritual walk that says, "God's purposed will happens whether we are doing it or not -- our "free will" is in the confines of His will, whether we know it or not. So, where is this "free will". It's in making the choice to obey him or obey our human nature. Nothing wrong with being simple. Hope that helps.
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