the darkness: [re] thinking part one

So, I've been quiet lately. "Lately" meaning a couple of months. I've been quiet on the blog and quiet with those closest to me. I've been processing a whole lot, and I'm almost ready to open up again. Here's a sample of what I've been [re] thinking:

[number one] - life weighs heavy.

I've have always thought of myself as extremely optimistic: always looking at the bright side even if it meant ignoring the darkness. In that way it was a weakness for me, and I could believe falsely that life really was light and I could keep my mind worry-free.

I would often not face the ugly darkness, but the darkness has a way of sticking around. A while back, I quit ignoring the darkness and began dancing with it. What I've found is that the darkness, even though it's scary, brings impactful points of reality to bear. Dancing with the darkness has brought me to a place of comfort in pain and struggle, both others' and my own.

But the darkness has done something to me that I didn't expect, I'm even more hopeful than I was before, but the hope is different. Previously my hope wasn't full, it didn't deal with the darkness and couldn't speak to it. Now my hope takes more into account and speaks directly into darkness.

Pain doesn't scare me like it used to. The problems of others don't weigh me down because I've gone through some gut-wrenching things myself. I can identify with their pain and struggle and know that God sees it too, and know that the gospel speaks directly into it.

And the gospel is hopeful. Even in the face of this heavy life, Jesus is hopeful. As we grow into His likeness we become more hopeful. Not a blind, blissful hope, but a real one with all the ugliness of life and love and why.


jnthn said...

Drew it's nice to read your confessions. I have been thinking about you lately. I really miss having you around--I haven't had anyone like you in my life since you left. It really is hard to fill in the places that people fill in our lives.