time moves quick: [re] thinking part four

So, I've been quiet lately. "Lately" meaning a couple of months. I've been quiet on the blog and quiet with those closest to me. I've been processing a whole lot, and I'm almost ready to open up again. Here's a sample of what I've been [re] thinking:

[number four] - time moves quick.

Maybe this is one that most people go through as they move into adulthood, and especially into parenthood, but my life is really moving faster than I thought it could.

For a positive spin on it, it's helped me get things done a lot faster. I feel it deep inside that my time on earth is fleeting, and with almost every act, I feel time slipping away that much quicker.

There's a line in Switchfoot's "Burn Out Bright" off of their latest release Oh! Gravity. It says

If we've only got one try
If we've only got one life
If time was never on our side
Then before I die
I want to burn out bright

Listening to that song brought some clarity to the fact that the thought of having all the time in the world is a complete myth. And I'm not sure if I've ever been convinced of this until now.

So, I'll spare everyone the "do everything you've ever wanted to do right now!" speech, because I don't believe it either. But I will say that hitting my late 20's / early 30's has proved to be a huge kick in the ass, and I'm a better man for it.

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leading identity: [re] thinking part three

So, I've been quiet lately. "Lately" meaning a couple of months. I've been quiet on the blog and quiet with those closest to me. I've been processing a whole lot, and I'm almost ready to open up again. Here's a sample of what I've been [re] thinking:

[number three] - leading over teaching.

I ran into this thought as I was having a discussion with someone I would consider a gifted teacher. As he spoke of learning and teaching others and reading and mastering information, I understood clearly that this isn't my passion at all. In fact, I find excessive research boring.

I think this might be why some people who plant churches get out of the church after a couple of years and do something else- they want to lead out, not sit and teach. What teachers do for the gospel is incredible, but appreciating something and having a calling are different things.

SIDE NOTE: Dallas and I had a conversation once where he asked me if I could stick around for the long haul with Vox Church. I said that I could, and I still believe that. There's going to continue to be so much more to create as we move forward together with the gospel. With that said, the longest I've stayed with any ministry is a little over 2 years [and I've done that twice], and that makes me think very carefully about the future I contemplate.

Leading is always going to be my strongest asset. It always has, even when I've tried to make it other things. The scariest part about it all now is owning up to it. If I'm a teacher and have no one to teach to, I can blame that on someone else. If I'm a leader and have no one to lead, I just suck as a leader.

My resolution is to lead well, and now, at the beginning of the journey toward becoming a good leader, I've realized that I have so much to learn and so many issues to work on. I'm really a mess of a leader, and it's a daunting task, but I'm undeterred. If you think of me today, please pray that God would continue to grow me into a good leader.

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sobering lives: [re] thinking part two

So, I've been quiet lately. "Lately" meaning a couple of months. I've been quiet on the blog and quiet with those closest to me. I've been processing a whole lot, and I'm almost ready to open up again. Here's a sample of what I've been [re] thinking:

[number two] - people's lives are sobering.

Planting a church has been more relationally disappointing than I thought. Building relationships hasn't been hard, it's keeping them honest and open that has been tougher than I anticipated.

These past few months, I've seen everything from people missing meetings [minor] to friends lying straight to my face [whoa]. I'm not shocked that it has happened, but that I didn't think it would happen this much. I've also witnessed the effects of fear and disillusionment on people's lives and it's just plain hard to deal with. So much so that I couldn't even figure out how to talk about it, much less blog about it.

It's brought out a new honesty in me. Where I had been tentative before, I'm much more willing to call out something that seems off or wrong, both in others and in myself [hence this particular series of posts].

It's also brought out a sobriety in me concerning life. I may have been intellectually aware that people were sinful and the effects of that can be gruesome, but I didn't really acknowledge that in my everyday interactions with people. Much like drunk people can sometimes not be aware of what's going on around them, so I was not really sober to the fact that people really can be ugly, me included.

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the darkness: [re] thinking part one

So, I've been quiet lately. "Lately" meaning a couple of months. I've been quiet on the blog and quiet with those closest to me. I've been processing a whole lot, and I'm almost ready to open up again. Here's a sample of what I've been [re] thinking:

[number one] - life weighs heavy.

I've have always thought of myself as extremely optimistic: always looking at the bright side even if it meant ignoring the darkness. In that way it was a weakness for me, and I could believe falsely that life really was light and I could keep my mind worry-free.

I would often not face the ugly darkness, but the darkness has a way of sticking around. A while back, I quit ignoring the darkness and began dancing with it. What I've found is that the darkness, even though it's scary, brings impactful points of reality to bear. Dancing with the darkness has brought me to a place of comfort in pain and struggle, both others' and my own.

But the darkness has done something to me that I didn't expect, I'm even more hopeful than I was before, but the hope is different. Previously my hope wasn't full, it didn't deal with the darkness and couldn't speak to it. Now my hope takes more into account and speaks directly into darkness.

Pain doesn't scare me like it used to. The problems of others don't weigh me down because I've gone through some gut-wrenching things myself. I can identify with their pain and struggle and know that God sees it too, and know that the gospel speaks directly into it.

And the gospel is hopeful. Even in the face of this heavy life, Jesus is hopeful. As we grow into His likeness we become more hopeful. Not a blind, blissful hope, but a real one with all the ugliness of life and love and why.

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