As I get older, I'm beginning to feel more overwhelmed every day by the widening gap between what I am able to do and what I want to be able to do. I just don't have enough time. Maybe it's my life stage [I'm 29, a young father, a church planter, and insane], maybe it's because I had a strange day, but in any case I'm feeling a little incapable tonight and I wanted to put it out there.
Sometimes I get so disillusioned, I wonder what I've gotten myself into with my life. Like I'm always going to be a little too small for my britches, a little too unfit for what I have or a position I hold. Maybe this has everything to do with Dad not being there or Mom starting over when I was 10. Maybe this really is just me, and I'll never get over it, which would be the worst possible fate.
On top of everything else, I'm feeling the need to not say these things out loud. I simply cannot tell anyone how I'm feeling inside because how I'm feeling about something greatly affects the brittle future of whatever I'm thinking about. I might regret this tomorrow. This might be unfitting for a pastor to publish, but that is exactly my problem.
I'll just have to live with those consequences, because it's 10:23 and I'm exhausted. More Switchfoot muscial posts to come.
Ten O'Clock Rant
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1 comments:
This is definitely not unfitting for a pastor to publish. It just proves you struggle with the same stuff the rest of us do.
I used to have a very strong faith. For many reasons, I now have doubts. I find, though, that people who don't believe or who are uncertain are willing to talk about their concerns and listen to mine. When my fiath was complete, those same people thought I'd never understand them.
It's the same for a pastor. Sometimes you can serve bettter by showing that you're human.
I'm waiting to see your further Switchfoot posts. I love those guys...and I'm several years older than you. My teen daughter loves them, too, proving they know how to reach everybody.
You reach people, too, when you show your struggles.
Janet
www.CanIChangeALife.blogspot.com
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